Write through your Trauma

Well it's been over 6 months since I wrote a blog post. I'm guessing most of you follow either Brian or me on social media and you've probably seen all the updates in that time, so I'll keep it brief. The short story is that Sebastian's surgery back in April to remove the tumor and his entire right adrenal gland was a huge success and he is doing very well. The pathology report showed the tumor to be a "composite pheochromocytoma" because it had patches of neuroblastoma, which is malignant. This is an extremely rare type of tumor, so rare his oncologist had never seen one like it and had to reach out to specialists out-of-state for second opinions and data. Since there are so few cases of this, they don't know with any certainty what to expect. So keeping a close eye on Sebastian with regular scans and lab work will be necessary for the foreseeable future. Thankfully, so far everything has been clear.

 

We are all hoping the worst is over and are of course extremely grateful that everything worked out and he is healthy and doing great. I am still a bit traumatized by the experience. Sebastian does not appear to be thankfully. So far, this kid is far more resilient that I have ever felt in my life. Which is amazing and wonderful. But since I have struggled with moving through the experience, I've been keeping my life pretty low-key and as stress-free as possible. Not an easy feat in this hellish year, but I've been doing my best. In some ways, it's easier to do now than ever as I have all the excuses I could ever need to stay home as much as possible. It's been nice in a way, for an introvert like myself.

I have been trying to be patient and give myself the time I need to grieve for my shattered reality that is forever gone, which is the main reason for no posts here. Since my poor brain has been wrapped mostly around Sebastian for months, and I wasn't feeling emotionally stable enough to write about the whole experience, I chose to just not write, or even sing with Brian, at all. There was no motivation to write on other topics, and obviously there have been plenty of other things to write about in that time, but I couldn't muster up any creative energy. The events of this year, both globally, locally, and here at home, have left me in a very weird place. My empathy is at an all-time high so trying to follow the news or stay up on current events leaves me shattered. So I stopped reading the news, following politics, or using social media. I've found this to be incredibly helpful to my mental health. I intend to continue staying off social media for the foreseeable future. I don't have the emotional room to digest everyone else's political opinions right now. It's hard enough to sort out my own and do the necessary research so I can finish voting.

One thing I think will be incredibly cathartic is to get back to my creative endeavors of writing and music. So I've signed myself up for NaNoWriMo this year and am hoping I'll be able to write a short story about this year's experiences. I have no idea how well or not this will go, but I figure it is worth a try. Maybe something decent will come out of it and I'll be able to share the story with whoever is interested in reading it. And hopefully I'll start singing with Brian again soon.

So since I won't be on social media, please stay in touch in other ways. If you have my contact info, text or email me. Sign up here for our email list. I will still write updates about Sebastian on this blog and through the email newsletter. For the time being, he still needs check-ups every 3 months so that's about as often as you'll get anything from the newsletter so you don't have to worry about it being too many emails. I care deeply about you and hope that you and your family are staying safe and healthy. Thanks for being here and I hope to connect with you soon.

Hugs and Love,